Free Advice #6

Hi Jessica,

I am all for a sisterhood of intelligent, independent, beautiful, strong women. That being said, I am not for girl competition. A friendship with a good friend and collaborator is quickly breaking down and I hope it can be fixed. Healthy and productive art competition has turned into unhealthy and painful boy and life and style competition. I used to be flattered that she respected my art work so much to borrow conceptual/aesthetic themes from me but now that she is hooking up with my boy's best friend it feels like I am being sucked dry.

I am to blame too and have been acting weird and defensive -- pretty much like a 5 year-old who doesn't want to share her toys. I have tried to talk to her about it but it is really hard to sugar coat "Get out of my mirror so I can see." It just makes me sad because I am retreating to exclusively male friends because the only problems that arise with them are love ones and that seems much easier!

Anonymous


Dear Anonymous,

This situation is such a hard one for so many reasons. The first, obviously, being that it seems that you don't want to have these weird feelings but they are seemingly uncontrollable. No one want to feel jealous and distrustful and defensive. We just let it happen to us and most of the time its totally deep seated and subconscious. Secondly, female relationships are one of the most mysterious things in life, period. I would say I have pretty amazing close female friends, but I have also only recently made them/become closer to them. I'm new at this.

Okay.. art and boys: the two most sensitive topics of life. The best thing to do in these sorts of situations is to ignore what is going on and essentially not let it get to you. You just can't. You will end up spending more time worrying about this girl lifting your ideas than making new ones and focusing on the strength of your own work. If you are unable to let it slide--or her antics become so obvious other people start to notice and point it out to you, you can either confront her or slowly disassociate yourself from her. I know the latter seems pretty drastic--but it doesn't have to be. You two can even just take a break. I know I've found in my own life that I just can't be around people who bring me down because its usually a mutual thing. In fact, I recently came up with this pseduo-mantra:

I will no longer surround myself--in real life, on the internet, etc with any single person or group of people that makes me feel less of myself in any way

I will only surround myself by positive people who I have mutually uplifting interactions with

So far its worked like a charm. I mean, I do feel some regret about some people I have chosen to remove from my life--but I have also been so much happier. Its important to remember that people change (even in short periods of time) and you can always been friends again in the future. Nothing is impossible. Also, I don't think you should avoid all female friends just because of this one girl, though. And if you and this girl are really good friends--nothing is too taboo to talk about. You just need to calm down a bit and let what you want to say to her sit in your mind for awhile.. and imagine if someone was saying the same things to you. I'm sure she feels that you have been acting weird towards her lately if she's receptive at all and thus, she might be defensive. Good luck!


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Dear Jessica,

I graduated from Graphic Design just over year ago. As I don't have a permanent job in design/illustration and want a change of scenery (feeling very uninspired at the moment), I plan on traveling to London then stay in Spain for a while to focus on my work and become a little more independent.What do you suggest is the best way for someone who has had hardly any professional experience, to approach studios or promote your work in a city/country where you have no contacts? Also, did you find it difficult to find work in Sweden or had you already had some jobs lined up before you left?

Also, I mainly do Illustration but don't like to stick to one particular style as I like experimenting with various mediums. I have read articles and advice from various illustrators who suggest that it is best to have a solid style because clients hire you for a particular 'look' that would suit their brief. What are your thought on this?

Anonymous


Dear Anonymous,

I've never really done commercial illustration and have only moved to a new city for school, so I felt kind of at a loss with this question. However, I asked my talented friend / now guest blogger Phillip Nessen of Sparrow v Swallow for some help. I thought he would only give me a few pointers, but instead he wrote this beautiful, complete answer that I can't think of anything to add to:

"My experience with illustration is in the American illustration market. So, this advice might be meaningless wherever you end up. I have heard that in some parts of Europe, at least in the past, it has been difficult to be commissioned to do illustration work if you have not yet been published before. It's a weird situation because you need experience to be published, but you need to be published to get experience. This has not been the case in my experience, though.

One of the nice things about being an illustrator is that you don't need to live in the same city as your clients. A simple way to get started, if you are confident in your work, is create a promotional package or a postcard mailing that features your work and contact information. Find magazines where you think your work would be appropriate, or the design studios that seem to hire a lot of illustrators, and send your materials to the art directors. Call a few magazines and try to set up appointments to meet with the art directors. Be sure to have postcards to leave behind. That is a good start and should give you a sense of if you and your work are ready.

You don't have to just create work one style, but you need to create a body of consistent work for each style you want to work in to convince someone that you are proficient worker and are fluent in your own visual language. Art directors need to know that if they hire you, they will get work of the same quality and tone as what is in your portfolio. There is not enough time in most cases for you to turn in something that doesn't work for them. They best way to prove to them that commissioning you will be a pleasant experience is to create many pieces in the same style, that tackle various concepts and challenges.

Illustration is not an easy line of work. It takes many years of hard work to do enough work to live off of illustration, and once successful it is still a fight to remain relevant. Perhaps, with your preference for working with different styles, you should pursue both graphic design and illustration. You will have many different opportunities open to you."


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Dear Jessica,

This is a general question with a very specific example. So, I dated this person, we're both artists. They were really good. They inspired and influenced my art, and still do. There was a real connection there, but it ended on bad terms. I was going through some bad things at the time, but to be honest I was immature, not ready for the relationship, and was pretty much a total jerk. Classic case of 'you don't know what you got till its gone'.

I can really say I'm not sure I will meet anyone who impacted me the same way. I mean, seriously. To make matters worse, we don't talk anymore. I don't know what they think of me (probably nothing good, but the mere fact that they refuse to talk makes me think I impacted them in some way - for better or worse - i'm assuming worse).

I've heard that subsequent relationships are gone into in order to resolve some sort of conflict from previous relationships. I've dated since, and had one good fruitful relationship that even ended positively, but I still feel horrible and am filled with regret from the previous relationship. It has been a very long time and I still haven't been able to move on. I've done what I can to learn from the experience and become a better person, but the pain persists. Is there something, anything, I can do to resolve these emotions?

- Mourning and Melancholic


Dear Mourning and Melancholic,

This situation is a tough one, though it may be more common and the feelings more easily overcome than you currently think. In fact, I have gone through something similar myself in the not too distant past. Though I know my heart still isn't 100% recovered--I no longer suffer these feelings you are describing, when they once seemed as ubiquitous to me as water and air.

Awhile ago I was given some advice by someone a bit older and wiser than me re: feeling that you will never be as close to anyone again post any sort of intense relationship. She told me that though I may never meet someone exactly like my ex again, nor even relate to anyone quite in the same way--it was okay--and not necessarily a bad thing. For one: the past just doesn't disappear. It exists in space and time and the good times and the closeness you shared with this person will never disappear. It is special and distinct and different from any other thing you or they will share with another person. As for entering new relationships as an attempt to resolve old ones--I'm not sure if I buy into that theory. In my young life I've already been in a lot of relationships and while some may have vaguely informed others, they usually are concrete and very separate from one another. If anything I believe we, as humans, enter new relationships attempting to resolve some kind of conflict within ourselves, not our past lovers. I think the key then is focusing on yourself and learning to know what you need: both in yourself and in others. As a general rule it's good to not have too high expectations of others. I try to have none at all.. for anyone. That way, each communication/hangout/etc is a gift.

Speaking of communication: this person not talking to you is not something that will last forever. Even the most stubborn people give in eventually and even though you feel like its been such a long time--time is so relative. Someone once told me that to fully get over a person, it takes twice the amount of time apart as you were together. I don't know about your case, but with mine--that means four years. Now that is a long time. But its also not so very long at all. Not that you should mark it on your calendar or anything--you just have to force yourself to let go and not worry about it. Its the only thing you can do. That, or try to contact them in the most honest and open way you can and tell them you miss them. If it comes from a truly soft and earnest place the other person will understand and its nothing to be afraid of.